Gastric bypass- a wonderful alternative to graduate school

'Tis the season of grad school acceptances and major life choices. Two years ago (!) I was an overly confident undergrad preparing to become a graduate researcher. Late night Googling of "how to prepare for grad school" further assured me I was ready. Have experience in a research lab? Check. Know I may have weird hours? Check. Secured some kind of TA/RA funding? Check. Today, reflecting upon this time of year, I wish someone would have told me about a few aspects of grad school that seem to never be highlighted on those "What to Know about Grad School" websites:


1. Yes, being successful in grad school is about working hard, but it’s even more about being creative.

Probably in your undergrad studies, the more time spent on homework or a project was directly proportional to your grades or success. I assumed that since I was a hard worker and previously worked in a research lab, I would be a great grad student. However, once you enter a graduate program, you are likely designing your own study and teaching yourself research methods. In other words, your success is entirely dependent on your creativity. If your plan is to research whales in the Antarctic, for example, you will have to figure out HOW you are getting to the Antarctic, HOW many whales you are tagging, HOW you are tagging the whales, and most importantly, HOW you are paying for it- not your advisor, not your department, not your best friend- YOU. Also, you will have to go way beyond the idea of “I want to study whales in the Antarctic.” You will have to come up with testable hypotheses, such as “Using complicated organic chemistry, I will show that the number of female whales in January positively correlates with annual apple harvests in United States- here’s how I will experimentally prove it…”

2. Often in the sciences there is not a specific timeline for graduation.

Many students entering grad school enter with the belief that getting a master’s degree will be completed in exactly 2 years while a PhD takes 4 years to complete. Most people are familiar with the undergrad concept of schooling: when you earn X number of credits, which should take Y years to complete, you get your degree. The timeline of your graduation, however, is ENTIRELY dependent on your thesis/dissertation progress. Have your class credits out of the way? GREAT! Experiments not working- well, you’re staying here another 3 years.

3. Be prepared for the fact that no one will respect your “flexible” schedule.

Because you likely aren’t confined to a 9-5 schedule, your friends with "real jobs" will assume you are always available to talk on the phone, pick them up from the airport, help them move, do their weekly grocery shopping, groom their monitor lizard, etc. Additionally, when they are free from work, they assume you are as well. “Hey, I got tickets to Soviet Russia the Musical without consulting you; you can write your thesis some other time.” The best way to deal with this is to simply lie: “I teach 9 classes and no one can replace me.”

4. Unless you clone yourself, someone will see you as a bad grad student.

Many times you will have an obligation to be in 3 or 4 places at once.  Tomorrow, for example, I have boat crew training, which is required for my field work.  This time spent on training, however, means I'm not working on my thesis writing, not working on homework, not available for makeup labs with my students, and not attending the weekly grad seminar.  Somewhere along this line, a student of mine, a professor in my department, one of my committee members, or my neglected dog will wonder where I am and why I am a horrible person.  And why did I spend so much time writing this blog post?

Do you see the tiny green film at the bottom of the beaker in the picture above?  This extremely small clump of green stuff is a diatom sample weighing less than 20 milligrams that I need to carefully process and guard with my life for carbon isotope analysis. If I lose any of this sample or ruin a procedure, I will likely have to spend several weeks waiting for a new culture to grow and start over again.


Thoughts that have been running through my mind recently include:

• What if I lose any of my sample while transferring it between beakers?
• What if it spills?
• What if a piece of hair lands in it? (note: things like hair and dust can ruin stable isotope samples)
• Despite how many methods papers I read, I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. What if I dry the sample too long, or add too much acid or completely miss a secret step that isn't described in any journal articles?
• WHY IS THIS FILTER FALLING APART? WHY? NOOOOO!!!!! 

Failure and data loss can happen at all stages of the scientific process. Maybe a storm destroys your field equipment, maybe someone steals a field instrument to sell it for scrap metal, maybe a boater decides to move that heavy metal box they found that happens to be collecting your data, maybe your computer crashes and you lose months of data analysis... and maybe, just maybe, the worst thing that could possibly happen occurs: you give a horrible thesis or dissertation defense.

Although science (and academia in general) demands perfection, failure does occur. It's likely the reason why journal articles published in 2010 can be about studies conducted in 1998- some sample was lost along the way and work needed to be redone. As scientists, we are expected to quickly move on from mistakes, learn from them, and start over again, whether the starting over sets us back days or years.


For now, I will hold on to these backup "diatom leftovers" that probably aren't usable but give me a false sense of security.

Grad Students, Scientists and Researchers: What is the worst lab mistake or scientific failure you ever made? What was the strangest way you have lost data or ruined samples? How did you get over these mishaps?

Whether we are working in the field or in the lab, the things we have to wear to do our work make us stand out from the undergrad crowd at our universities. Below, I have listed the latest styles for Fall 2012 Everglades research:
 
Field
Tannin-dyed Pants 

Above is a picture of pants that I wear in the field. These pants are naturally tie-dyed with streaks of grey and orange from various organic compounds floating around in the water. The key rule in Everglades fashion is to never wear anything nice or new, so these khaki pants that I’ve had since 9th grade are perfect for the field.
Ambiguous Event T-shirts


Again, nice new clothing is never worn in the field, so research is the perfect opportunity to get use out of bizarre free T-shirts from volunteer events and raffle gift bags. If you are caught wearing Ambiguous Event T-shirts while transitioning between the field and your home, however, you will be inevitably be questioned by people who intensely read your T-shirt. “So how was volunteering at an Art Festival in Fort Pierce 8 years ago? What is Envirothon?”

Hiking Boots

I have two pairs of hiking boots. If I have to be in an enclosed space with other people, the newer hiking boots are worn. The older hiking boots, shown above, permanently live outside of my apartment due to mysterious swamp smells and are worn only for the most mucky activities.

Field Accessories: Floppy hat, 1-inch thick layer of sunscreen, machete
 
Lab
Old Oversized Stained Lab Coat 
Despite the fact that all stock images of scientists on the internet show people wearing crisp, clean lab coats, this is rarely the case. The purpose of a lab coat is to protect the rest of your body from spills and splashes of chemicals and dyes, so lab coats rarely look clean. Since labs don’t contain washing machines and no one ever takes responsibility to wash the lab coats, they are also rarely ever washed…

Closed Toed Shoes 

As a Floridian, I feel very awkward and uncomfortable wearing closed toed shoes (aka not sandals/flip flops).  Closed toed shoes, however, are usually required in labs.  Since I feel like I have giant feet when I wear regular running shoes with jeans, I invested a whole $7 in the shoes shown above, which are probably as close to sandals as possible.
 
Old Outdated Jeans

These ultra-low rise super flare circa 2003 jeans just won’t give out for lab work. They have micro holes either from lab chemicals or from my dog chewing on them, but until they rip in half, I will keep wearing them in lab.


 

When one thinks of a student doing research in the Everglades, one would assume that the researcher is an outdoorsy type who could never thrive in an office or indoor work environment. Part 3 of this series, however, is about grad student offices, which is where some of us actually spend the majority of our time. If you haven't been keeping up with this series, you can learn more about the other aspects of grad student life in Part 1 and Part 2 of "Grad Student Life Beyond Fieldwork."